Family Stories

I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer (ugh) so read a lot of articles online.  Josh’s cousin shared an article she found on NYTimes.com and I thought it was so great I just had to share.  The Family Stories That Bind Us This Life.  The article spoke about the importance of creating a family narrative and sharing stories with our kids.  Studies have shown the more kids know about their families the better off they are.  When you think about it, it really comes down to communication.  If you are willing to share stories with your kids, good and bad, they will be willing to share with you too.  Knowing your history teaches you first hand that both good and bad things are going to happen in life.  When you hear stories of triumph and survival it has to teach kids that you can get through anything, right?  This too shall pass?

My two favorite times to talk with my 4 year old daughter is in the car and at the dinner table.  Emmy tells me all kinds of stories in the car, especially on the way home from school.  I love hearing about her day and answering all the questions she shoots at me.  She also happens to be a ssslllooowww  eater so we have some long dinners at the table some nights.  More talking takes place than eating!

We do not have a single family member who lives in San Diego.  And a lot of our immediate family lives in different places across the country.  So I feel even more responsible to talk to my kids and tell them about their family so they know them and understand how much they are loved.  To date, I think we’ve done a pretty good job.  As she gets older we’ll have to make sure we tell stories about how my husband and I grew up, where, etc.  We sure will have some interesting stories!! 

Here are a few highlights from the article:

The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative.

Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively. But talking doesn’t mean simply “talking through problems,” as important as that is. Talking also means telling a positive story about yourselves. When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence.

The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.